This is my first time writing in months and it feels so foreign. I pressed the backspace button twenty times before saying fuck it – just write whatever comes to mind. I’ve put this off for some time. In the beginning, I thought I was going through too much to pay attention to the one thing that would probably save me. Writing my thoughts. Now, I realize I was being held captive by fear and the feelings of not being able to measure up. Talk about pressure. Where did this pressure come from?
I was once so confident (well, not really, but I was making great strides in that capacity) and sure that I had everything in control. I managed to create LUXE RADAR, bring to life HER WISHING WELL and start building clients with LOTUS Media Studio. Everything was flourishing right before my eyes. I was even saying things like, “Hello, beautiful!” in the mirror while washing my face in the morning. I didn’t know at the time, as these things unfolded, I needed to bloom to truly receive everything I hoped and prayed for. Let me say this, as beautiful as the word bloom sounds, I never imagined that I would be flipped upside down and my world would follow. Sort of like the savage side of seeking liberation.
Respect My Bloom is my personal blog, thoughts and musings of my experiences as a twenty-something learning to balance life, motherhood, love and projects. Through meditating on what I wanted this digital space to be, I realized I’ve put so much emphasis on wanting to proclaim respect for my bloom that I didn’t set the bar on what that respect should look like. You can’t expect anybody to respect what you have at the table if you still see what you have through unforgiving eyes. RMB is also my accountability to be more intuitive and respectful of my journey and myself. In a sense, these past four months have given me a whole new outlook on life and love. Especially the love I have for myself. I am finally at a place of peace and I’m ready to give, I’m ready to share this dangerously beautiful part of me – even if I’m not fully understood.
Where I once looked for agreement, I now expect differences. Where I once looked for safety, I now welcome the thrill and excitement of taking risks. Where I once planned and mapped out every aspect of my life, I now smile at not having the slightest clue because I serve a God who has always provided more than what I imagined. This is the beauty in my struggle and all that I ask is that you Respect My Bloom.
Queneisha J. Harvey